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  • Writer's pictureQualia

July update and musings on time

Hi friends, loves, and fellow space cadets. July, 2023... What a trip.

I've been spending a lot of (perhaps too much) time lately examining existential philosophy. This has definitely been a part of my soul since I was a child, but now that I'm in my 40s it's becoming more and more relevant. What is life? Does it have an inherent meaning, or do we live in a universe that is existentially void of meaning, purpose where we are all born alone, and die alone in the end?

Is this the future that we want? Is this the life we dreamed we'd be living? Is the fundamental divide between our dreams and our day to day reality a similar experience for all humans?

As I work, focus on school, parent my child, maintain friendships, and move through my 40s, I wonder if writing is anything other than a meaningless attempt at shouting into the void in a way that will make others feel something. Why do I need to make other people feel anything?

I have engaged in creative exploits for most of my life. As a teenager, I made short films, and wrote poetry. As a twenty-something, I began to write more, became a screen printer, and focused most of my remaining creative energy on portrait photography. In my thirties, photography, and writing took up most of my free time. Now that I'm in my 40s, writing occupies a good portion of my waking thoughts. How can I write better, create better characters, and devise more interesting stories.

As I began to release my short stories last year, emboldened by my first official sale to a journal, I wondered and dreamed about how far I could take it. With my neurodivergence, I can get so absorbed in the marketing and the hustle, it takes enjoyment away from the actual writing and I know I need to dial back on the marketing side to preserve my energy.

One thing I am super super grateful for, is that I have found some people out there amongst the spindly spider webs that are the internet who have genuinely enjoyed what I have written. That means everything to me. I know I have loved finding new voices and new, strange creations out there to sink my teeth into. I appreciate everyone of you that I've met in the online writing communities, and can't wait to see where the future takes us all.

My writing will never stop, but what is shared may change. Perhaps the pace at which I've been releasing material will slow as I begin to increase my revision phases. Something big that has been on my mind recently is growth. How can I grow as a writer? I've tried writing in new genres this year, and that experience has been great. How can I learn to write better, or more technically polished? I have been working on it, and I think that through practicing more patience, it will help me continue to fine tune, and polish before sharing the finished product.

Thanks for reading my mid-summer ramble! Talk soon!


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